


welcome home

by VITRI0L



Category: DreamSMP, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, /roleplay, Angst, Family Reunions, Gaslighting, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Hurt/Comfort, Trans TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), ghostbur and techno are big brothers, no beta we die like ghostbur, phil’s a good dad, she/her pronouns for tommyinnit, smp!dream is a dick as usual, takes place within the storyline of the smp, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:22:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28177590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VITRI0L/pseuds/VITRI0L
Summary: Tommy escapes his exile and finally has sometime for himself... and decides that she’s a woman.//lowercase intended\\(this is only about tommy’s character, not the content creator!)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 828
Collections: Completed stories I've read





	welcome home

**Author's Note:**

> lesbianinnit pog
> 
>  **//!disclaimer!:\\\** this is written to be about tommy’s character, not the cc himself! this is set in the world of the smp, and the work only includes tommy’s character. if tommy were to say that he was uncomfortable with works such as this one, i would delete it immediately. and this rule applies to all my works containing cc’s characters too! this is merely a vent fic :)) gender dysphoria is a very serious issue and i wouldn’t never want to push that onto a real person who is comfortable with their form of gender expression.
> 
>  **//disclaimer:\\\** i will not pretend like i know what those who decide to transition go through. that is something i will never understand. i wrote this work by basing it on my own experience with pronouns (i’m non-binary and went from she/her to they/them) and struggles with gender identity. this work is to celebrate the trans tommy tag and remind those who need it that they are valid. if i get anything wrong, or you wish to have me add/take away something that is incorrect, feel free to leave me a comment <3
> 
> remember that you’re valid <3

dude.

man.

son.

brother.

_tommy._

•••

the blond doesn’t know when it really started. maybe the doubt has always been there, waiting for the right time to bother the teen. 

_can’t believe tommy’s a lesbian!_ is a joke that his friends had started. 

tommy always smiles, but the joke gives him pause. it makes him... stop. 

“what...” he says through laughter, feeling rather bemused, “am i-“

 _am i a lesbian,_ he asks, frowning slightly, _no... a lesbian is a woman who likes another woman. so... wait, am i a woman?_

a fuzzy feeling expands when the teen thinks of himself as a woman. it makes his heart flutter and the joy the burns his viens feels like it shouldn’t be real. like that deep of a warmth shouldn’t be possible for any human to feel over simple words.

_fuck, do i want to be called she?_

tommy remembers himself (herself?) then, shaking his head with a loud laughter. he continues as normal, but there is something that he takes with him that night.

a little feel of warmth and the beginning of uncertainty.

•••

tommy doesn’t have much time to contemplate his gender identity while in exile. all he can focus on is surviving, and surviving mostly meant pleasing dream.

still, there is a sharp knife buried in his heart every time dream says “dude” or “man”.

“tommy, armour in the hole,” dream tells him.

tommy grumbles and hesitates.

“dont make me ask you again, man. just do it,” the masked man snaps impatiently.

tommy tries to not flinch as he weakly bends to dream’s will. there is a small part of tommy that tells dream that he doesn’t like to be called a “man” or a “guy”.

 _but you haven’t even changed your pronouns,_ another harsh voices tells him.

tommy couldn’t help but agree with it, as he was silently resigned to quietly suffer. he just doesn’t want to displease dream, for the leader is his only friend now.

a friend who blows up the entirety of logstedshire after he vehemently chastises the teen for betraying him.

tommy begs him not to, and tries to apologize.

to no avail.

tommy runs away that night.

•••

in the raccoon hole, tommy’s searches look like,

_can guys be lesbians?  
can guys want to be women?  
how do i know if i’m a woman?  
how to be a woman?  
am i a woman?  
transitioning?_

it’s in that raccoon hole that tommy finally has the time to think.

she changes her pronouns, going by she/her. the pronoun switches feels wonderful and somehow even better than the lesbianinnit jokes. 

she smiles wobbly, perched on the white bed in her yellow room.

tommy.

that’s can’t be her name anymore. it’s... not ugly, but ugly for her. it doesn’t fit and when others call her that, it feels awkward and clunky, like mismatching puzzle pieces that have been shoved together. 

_what do i want my name to be,_ she thinks, rather excited.

it’s an easy choice, really.

clementine.

•••

clementine is thinking about niki when technoblade finds her. 

niki, one of the only other few women around. the older woman is soft and quiet in everything she does, seemingly the epitome of femininity. her voice is high and kind, her temper patient and understanding and her stature proud and moral.

when clementine was tommy (her deadname, which was a term she had recently learned), she’d thought that she was in love with niki. she was gorgeous and just, the best, and clementine had loved being around niki. she loved the early mornings when the baker would invite tommy to her bakery, full of the warm feeling and the smell of bread.

but now, the teen realizes that she wanted to be niki. she sees her as an older sister, an inspiration and a friend. clementine hopes that if she every sees niki again, that the older women would let her borrow a dress.

clementine is so lost in thought that she doesn’t hear the two voices coming down the ladder.

“TOMMY, WHAT THE HELL,” technoblade shouts obnoxiously.

clementine’s heart stutters and she leaps off the bed, whirling to face her brother and dad.

“jEEZ, techno! fucking hell, tommy, are you ok?” phil asks, concern etched into his kind, blue eyes.

panic bubbles in her throat and clementine tries to blink away the tears that burn, threatening to fall.

“please... i’m sorry ok? i’ll- i’ll leave just don’t take my stuff. well, the stuff that was originally mine... i’ll give you your stuff back techno, promise. just don’t kill me...”

the words spill unintentionally from her lips and she is unable to stop the tears.

phil and techno seem to have a conversation with their eyes before clementine feels herself being wrapped in a familiar embrace.

“i’m going to kill that green bastard,” phil tells her, arms squeezing a little tighter, “i promise you, son.”

she wishes the word “son” didn’t have such an effect on her.

phil notices the way clementine stiffens and he immediately pulls back to look at her in the eyes. the blond won’t look at the older man, her blue eyes trained on the piss coloured floor.

“tommy, are you ok,” he asks genuinely.

her heart clenches and her eyes burn. clementine glances at techno over phil’s shoulder, biting the inside of her cheek. 

the words fall out anyways.

“phil... i’m not tommy,” she whispers.

the man looks deeply confused. clementine notices the way her brother raises a confused brow, gaze glued on her, judgmental and cold.

“what do you mean,” phil asks carefully, pulling clementine’s attention back.

“i’m...”

_fuck, am i really going to do this?_

“i’m not a guy,” she whispers.

there’s is no hesitation in the way phil pulls her back into his embrace. it makes her throat close up and her heart ache. she feels safe and loved and... fuck, it’s amazing.

there is a strong hand on her back that she immediately recognizes as techno’s. phil lets her go, softly. now, the pink haired hybrid looks down at his younger... sister with a clear expression.

“what’s your name,” he asks simply.

“uhm... clementine...” she says back, feeling embarrassed by the pride she sees in phil’s eyes.

“welcome home, clementine,” techno says.

the teen feels like laughing.

she feels free.

•••

techno lets clementine stay in his house, much to her and phil’s (admitted) surprise. the hybrid plans to topple the government and clementine plans to get her discs back.

but, she takes care of her new self first.

her hair had grown out quite a bit in the near month she’d been exiled. it seems unreasonably long for such a short time, falling slightly past the curve of her jaw. but, she likes it.

clementine steals a pair of shears from one techno’s junk chests and cuts herself wispy bangs in the reflection of the ice one sunny morning.

“they’re uneven,” techno said monotonely when clementine walks back in, nose and cheeks bitten red by the winter wind.

“shut up, bitch,” she told him, “i don’t care.”

“they bother me.”

clementine huffed, grumbling under her breath as techno took the shears out of her hand. 

“dont fidget or i’m gonna mess up,” he warned.

clementine stood deathly still, a little unnerved with letting her eldest brother hold a sharp tool completely unguarded right by her. she certainly hadn’t forgot what he’d done, the scars very present.

techno hums softly as he cuts, being uncharacteristically gentle. he gives his sister a second of pause before he goes to grab a lock to make sure she has enough time to prepare. techno isn’t dumb nor naïve, he knows that clementine still has to deal with the pain that tommy had acquired.

techno’d been the cause of some of that pain.

but they don’t talk about it.

the atmosphere is warm and comforting, a feeling the two hadn’t shared in a long ass time.

clementine smiles.

•••

“i still look like tommy,” she whispers, looking into the dirty mirror.

niki is standing beside her, frowning as she watches clementine watch herself. the woman and her brother, ranboo, had been invited over to techno’s (much to the man’s dismay), by phil. the older man was planning a christmas eve party, since the holiday was only 2 days out. they were staying with clementine, in the renovated basement/raccoon hole.

clementine was nervous when they showed up yesterday, afraid that they wouldn’t... get it. the siblings were immediately receptive, much to her surprise, changing their pronouns for the teen and always correcting themselves if they accidentally said “tommy.”

“i’ve got just the thing,” niki says gently, before slipping out of the bathroom.

clementine bites her bottom lip anxiously, still looking in the mirror. she hasn’t had much time or the kind of clothes to experiment with fashion. technoblade was still a wanted man, basically exiled and confined to the snowy lands his house sat upon. they often struggled to find regular food on the weeks when phil couldn’t sneak away, only able to steal from the nearby village every other week. she’d been stuck with wearing a plain long sleeve shirt, her old cargo pants and a heavy wool robe that the teen would pretend was a dress occasionally.

clementine liked her hair, it was rather feminine but it did little to soften the harsh masculine features of her face. she also felt too tall and too gangly to be a woman, not to mention the fact that she had a man’s body. it was horrible, and the blond tried her best to avoid mirrors, not wanting to feel so disconnected from her body. 

it was all so frustrating.

but, niki’s here now, and she’s brought a bunch of stuff with her. clementine was extremely grateful to have another woman around, which was sentiment that niki echoed back.

“ok, here’s what i’ve got,” the soft voice says as said woman re-enters the room.

in her hands she holds a white dress with small red flowers dancing across the fabric. there is a large kit of makeup that she places on the stone counter.

“which would you like to try first,” niki asks kindly.

clementine can feel her heart in her throat as she looks at the things. they make her feel inexplicably good by just looking at them.

“can i- try the dress... please,” she asks timidly.

niki smiles widely, handing the fabric over and stepping back out to give clementine her privacy.

the teen spends a good 5 minutes just looking at the dress. there is something exciting about it, it makes her heart race and a small smile creep onto her lips. 

she quickly pulls off her shirt and pants, gently (almost too gently) slipping on the dress like it would shatter it she tugged on it too hard. 

the fabric is soft, yet cold from sitting in niki’s backpack in the basement. clementine shivers as she puts her arms through and pulls the rest down over her head.

the person in the mirror looks... different. clementine can’t tell if she likes it but it feels... breathtaking. the dress falls just above her ankles. it is cinched at the waist, giving the skirt and the top of the dress and little more puff. the sleeves are short and flowy, falling down her shoulders and the collar is a normal crew neck, thankful. the blond know she’s not ready for a v neck anytime soon.

clementine thinks she looks too bony to be wearing something so beautiful. her body is thin and awkward, but the fabric makes that awkwardness a little softer.

“niki,” she calls a little too loudly.

the older walks back in and gasps gently. clementine turns away from the mirror to look at the woman. there are quiet tears welling in those deep brown eyes, filled with a warm look of content. clementine turns bright red, embarrassed by the sisterly look and she fiddles with the dress awkwardly.

“you look so pretty,” niki says.

her heart flutters violently.

“thank you...” clementine laughs gently, “do you think that you could teach me how to shave my legs?”

niki’s laughter sounds like clear bells on a warm sunny day, the happy notes dancing joyously through the home.

clementine chuckles.

there’s a passion that burns in her heart.

•••

“ah, you’re gonna poke my fucking eyes out!”

“well, stay still then!” niki scolds lightly.

“man, how do you women do it?” ranboo asks in disbelief from his place on his bed.

clementine ignores the way her heart flutters when she hears “you women” and shoots the dual hybrid a harsh glance. he just raises his gloved hands in a defensive position, going back to messing with his red tie.

it’s late on christmas eve and the guests should be arriving any minute. phil, techno and ghostbur where upstairs now, presumably trying to convince techno to allow them to make last minute decoration changes. and in the basement, niki is trying to complete clementine’s makeup by poking her eyes out with fake lashes.

the blond groans in discomfort as niki presses a cold and gluey lash to her closed eye. it feels disgusting, and clementine squirms when niki blows on the lash.

“alright, first one on,” she says cheerily.

clementine groans again as she careful places another one, but deep down she likes this. she likes feeling so feminine, so much so that it almost makes up for her lack of a womanly figure.

she’s wearing the same dress niki had let her try on first, even though it isn’t christmas themed. she’d also gotten the woman to do some natural makeup. some foundation, soft blush, cleaning up her brows and filling them, winged eyeliner and fake eyelashes plus mascara was what the teen was having put on her face for the first time.

“they be here in a few, hurry up,” phil’s voice calls down the ladder chute.

“coming!” all three called back in unison.

ranboo stands up with a grin, brushing off his suit. niki gives clementine a reassuring nod before helping her up.

“fuck, it feels like there are caterpillars on goddamn eyes,” she states loudly.

ranboo laughs and niki just rolls her eyes.

“the price for beauty,” she tells the blond sagely.

clementine grumbles.

“you do look beautiful, by the way,” ranboo tells her casually.

the blond freezes, eyes snapping to meet those red and green ones. she hates when people give her complements, even tommy had hated that. she doesn’t want to be pitied or patronized, but... the way her friend just said she looked good... well, it made the worry in her stomach evaporate.

ranboo frowned, however, fidgeting uncomfortably. he misunderstood the silence, immediately rushing to apologize.

“i’m sorry about that. i didn’t mean to... make you uncomfortable or make it seem like i was flirting with you-“

she cuts him off by crossing the room and wrapping her friend in a bruising embrace.

“thank you, ranboo,” clementine says genuinely before letting the hybrid go.

ranboo looks slightly confused, but that melts into a small smile, eyes shining with a kindness.

“of course, clem. now, let’s do this,” he says proudly.

“i hate when you call me that!” she calls as he makes his way up the ladder, laughing.

she frowns playfully as he disappears. 

there is a warm hand gripping hers.

niki smiles gently, squeezing clementine’s hand before letting it go. the blond returns it with a wobbly smile.

“i’ll be right next to you the whole time,” niki tells her.

“even when we climb the ladder?” clementine jokes back.

niki punches her playfully in the arm as she laughs.

“let’s go,” clementine says.

the second floor is small, but homey. edward the enderman had been moved and a bunch of the brewing stands had been put in techno’s room. the fire in the corner roared with a newly placed coffee table and couch. there is a small christmas tree in the corner by the ladder where the brewing stands used to be. small fairy lights dance across the room, twinkling gentle.

all eyes are on her when she shuffles ungracefully into the room, sneakers squeaking against the wood floor.

panic flares in her chest.

a hand holds her own.

clementine smiles, waving shyly as everyone looks her way. ranboo nods, raising his mug from where he has turned to face her from the couch. phil looks as proud and fatherly as always, and even techno, who is often distant and cold, has a small grin on his face.

ghostbur gasps happily, floating over to the two women. his iridescent body seems to twinkle along with the lights, wonder buried behind his brown eyes. he claps his hands together, looking proudly at his little sister.

“you look great! oh, this is wonderful, toms!”

clementine tries to hide her frown, disappointment pooling in her gut. niki holds her hand a little tighter, but it does nothing to assuage the doubt in her mind.

_is this... should i be doing this...?_

her thoughts are cut short when ghostbur gasps loudly, sounding pained. the teen’s eyes snap back to him, worry overpowering doubt.

“no, not toms! oh, i’m so sorry, clementine! please, i keep fucking up... oh, shit.”

wil’s face hold so much guilt that it’s almost comical. he’s muttering to himself, distressed over getting his sister’s name wrong. 

clementine feels all those doubts begin to dissolve as she places a hand on the solid ghost’s shoulder.

“hey, you’re alright wil. you’re not the only one to gets it wrong, i mean, techno always calls me tommy when he’s yelling,” she says kindly.

“yeah, because you got into trouble a lot. and still do,” techno snorts, “i’m used to yelling at you.”

“okay, bitch,” clementine tells him.

techno smiles at that and phil chuckles mutely by his side.

“well, i’m still sorry. i’ll try better,” wilbur pipes up with a big smile, “you’re my little sister after all.”

“shut _up_ ,” she mumbles.

it is warm and a little noisy as they chat amongst one another. clementine finds herself snuggled on the couch squished between ranboo, niki and the ghost. phil and techno sit on the nearby chests, and most of the hold a mug of hot chocolate. 

“so, who’s coming then?” the blond asks the room. 

the chatter dies down and everyone seems to have a conversation with each other visibly. clementine frowns, hating the feeling of being left out. though, before she can protest, there is a loud ring of the bell on the porch.

“i’ll get it,” she tells them, standing carefully as to not accidentally step on her dress. 

clementine throws the dark oak door open. the night is dark, the wind is frigid and she immediately stumbles backwards.

tubbo walks in after her, looking rather unnerved. he wears a thick fur cloak, his normal presidential attire underneath. his haunting brown eyes stare at her, almost like the brunet can’t believe what he seeing.

phil was standing beside her in a moment, recognizing clementine’s distress.

“tubbo...?”

“tommy, i thought you were dead.”

tubbo’s voice is cold and dull. he sounds strangely angry and upset, eyes dancing over her. the blond doesn’t understand, but her throat closes and suddenly it’s so hard to breath, why...

and there’s a big hand on her shoulder and a soft one embracing hers and she can feel people standing near.

she takes a breath.

“tommy is dead,” she tells the brunet.

shit, that’s confusing.

so, clementine explains.

“hi, i’m clementine. i used to be tommy but now i’m she/her,” the woman says.

there should be loud words. angry voices that climb in volume, trying to out do the other. resentment and hatred fueling pain. physical and verbal attacks. there should be something to divide the two once more and keep them apart forever.

there should be.

but, what there is is a shaky hand outstretched, offering to be taken. there’s that look of angry suddenly melting into tears and joy. a small hand grabbing the offered one, pulling each other into a rib crushing hug. there is everything that’s driven them apart suddenly forcing them together.

there are no words exchanged.

there doesn’t need to be.

because clementine holds tubbo close, hoping that it will heal all the mistakes and their collective past. and tubbo furiously holds onto the material of her dress, as if the blond would disappear if he were to let go. tears stain the floral pattern and blue eyes water violently.

gentle lips move softly against a bony shoulder. 

and they whisper,

“i’ve missed you, clementine.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if needed, feel free to ask me any questions or have me correct something down in the comments. i’ll try and do my best to get back to you :)
> 
> i hope you’re well <3
> 
> have a good day!


End file.
